12 Comments
Dec 28, 2023Liked by Brendan O'Kane

You had me at demimonde valedictorian. Google thinks you're the first ever, and why not?

Third-stanza liberal translation is definitely a thing, though. I'm thinking about forcing myself to translate in reverse for a while, to break the habit of tight first lines and good-enough last lines.

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Yeah; part of the difficulty with this poem was that I painted myself into a corner with the rhymes without really having a plan for how to get where I needed to go. If I do another draft, I’ll probably do something along similar lines, reverse-engineering from “years.”

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I am new to Bluesky and I'm finding Brendan's posts to be seriously addictive. I know little about poetry and nothing about ancient China but these are delicious.

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Really happy to hear it -- that’s the goal: Chinese literature is a fine thing to study and a very worthy thing to admire, but I think it’s to be enjoyed first and foremost. Thanks, Curtis!

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Dec 28, 2023Liked by Brendan O'Kane

Landscape painting with a verse

I putz around for forty years

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I like it -- you just made me wonder, while waiting for the subway, whether something with “laughing.../faffing...” might be workable.

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Dec 28, 2023Liked by Brendan O'Kane

It does seem like it would match the meaning, but I’m not willing to give up “demimonde valedictorian/Imperial Historian”.

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Dec 29, 2023Liked by Brendan O'Kane

The party scene, I’m first in class

A river Bacchus, artsy faffing

Rate the high and mighty, laughing

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I like it! “Bacchus” is the kind of thing that can be distracting in translations, since he’s already a pretty familiar figure with associations of his own, but I think Qiao and his friends were probably acquaintances, even if they knew him by the name of Du Kang instead — and over on Bluesky someone suggested “sozzled sylph,” which I also like too much to nitpick.

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Dec 29, 2023Liked by Brendan O'Kane

When I was triangulating that line Google Translate gave me “drunk river fairy”, which I liked enough to almost use. I do like “sozzled sylph”, but here I’ll nitpick- sylphs are of the air and like naiads exclusively female. “Sprite” maybe?

I wasn’t sure how the Chinese viewed equivalence of deities. The Romans were the sort to see Odin and decide “Hmm, yes, ah, definitely Mercury”, so they wouldn’t have minded.

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FWIW. I also briefly considered “School of Hard Knocks? I was valedictorian.”

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Jan 7Liked by Brendan O'Kane

These posts make my day. I sang it to Tom Lehrer, by the way. Brendan, please never stop, or go away. Who cares for examinations - the demimonde shall hold sway.

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